I'm Still Not Dead, But...

Really, I'm not.

I've just done something that I haven't done for quite a while. I've deleted Facebook from my phone and laptop.

No worries, I'm fine, in fact, I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The fact that I should even feel compelled to say that I'm fine however should give an indication into the nature of social media in general - "You're not on Facebook? Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?"

It feels like time for a reset. The nature of social media in general, and of Facebook in particular, is such that it can be a force for good (I'll say a bit more about that soon), but the bad often outweighs that. It's a leech, a fat, bloated leech that sucks on the teat of creativity, self-confidence and, most of all, time. Negativity is amplified, boosted by an algorithm that favours nastiness and contentious viewpoints, because everyone likes to read about that shit, right? On one hand, it provides a hollow sense of schadenfreude, allowing people to point their collective fingers at those with whom they disagree. It amplifies anything negative. In the absence of moderation and fact checking (you know, those leftist, unmanly things), it has become an ever-consuming cesspit, a breeding ground for extremist, bigoted opinions to be seen and heard. A swirling mire, where nastiness is given precedence. Opinion masquerading as news, AI slop disguised as fact, horseshit, shovelled and swallowed by people who so desperately crave their next fix, who depend upon it to have their own hatred and insecurities validated by anyone or anything willing to do so.

It fucking sucks. And I'm getting fucking sick of it.

So off it goes. Piss off Zuckerberg, you chinless Lovecraftian hellspawn, and take your misguided ideas of manliness with you. I'm sick and tired of your bullshit.

Here's the problem, the almost paradoxical issue with Facebook: It has the potential to be so much better than the monster it's become. It has its uses, they just don't seem to be the primary focus anymore. It can bring people together. Hell, for a long time, I've bemoaned the fact that I use it to maintain contact with far-flung friends and people with for whom it's my only real way of keeping that connection. It has superceded talking on the phone and things like good old-fashioned post (remember writing pen-pal letters?) as a primary means of keeping communication alive. Also, I'm a writer and, as such I need a means of promoting my craft. I need to be able to pimp myself out, for want of a better way of putting it, and whether I like it or not, Facebook is still probably the best-developed muscle for achieving that goal. But even then, it sometimes feels like swimming against a tsunami of divisive opinions, screaming into a void of chattering static and trying to be heard above it. I sometimes get to asking; is the payoff worth it? Quite often, the answer is; No.

Like I said right at the start, there's nothing wrong, I'm fine. I just feel like a break is needed, a resetting of both the algorithm and my expectations. Social media should be working for me, I shouldn't be working for it. I might be gone for a few days, a few weeks, a few months. Shit, I might even decide that Facebook really just isn't that important to me anymore. I doubt it, but hell, it isn't an impossibility. The likely reality is that I'll pop back up at some point, picking up where I left off.

Just as soon as I run out of things to complain about.

In the meantime, I'm still writing. I can't lie, I've been struggling on and off with a bit of the old writer's block recently, trying to work my way through what currently feels like a turgid swamp, but I'm getting there, albeit slowly. I'm trying to remind myself that creativity can't be forced, and deadlines have their use, but can be the enemy of that creativity as it succumbs instead to the anxious fear of broken promises. I told myself that my next novel, SOMA, would be ready for release some time this year, and I'm hopeful that it will be. I'm not going to force it or beat myself up over it though. It'll be ready when it's ready.

Currently reading: George Romero: Interviews - Tony Williams (Ed.). Without a doubt George A Romero was my favourite movie maker, Night of the Living Dead was more than a landmark of horror, it provided me with an epiphany. It was the first to show (me, at least) that horror didn't have to be confined to crumbling gothic mansions. This collection of interviews spanning his career show the man as an often self-deprecating everyman who just felt fortunate to have to opportunity to do what he did, and did it in his own way. In a refreshing fashion, they show a true creator who never seemed to quite appreciate just how influential he actually was, and was at times overly critical of his own achievements. There's a lesson there, I'm sure of it.

On that note, until next time,

Love and hugs,

- L